I really try to be positive and spread positive thoughts. I am an optimist by nature and believe the best is going to happen. At least, most of the time. Yesterday threw me for a loop to say the least. Instead of my usual positive thoughts, I quickly spiraled into negativity.
I know how it happened, first my toilet flooded my bathroom. This was followed by being given some bad news at my tele-health doctor’s appointment. Then, I couldn’t schedule my MRI for my hip. I created my own misery and couldn’t get out of it. My usual, positive vibe was no where to be found.
The toilet flooded because I had a new grab bar type contraption installed due to my potential hip fracture. The contraption made the tank sit uneven, causing it to leak and spill all over the floor. Maintenance was wonderful and took care of everything, but it was still frustrating and definitely not a pleasant or positive event!
My tele-health was with my urologist at MUSC. It was a follow up from my previous procedures for my “floppy bladder.” I’ll spare you from the nitty gritty details, but I was essentially told that I will most likely have to self-catheterize for the rest of my life and that there is little that can be done to change that. He is going to have me complete a few more tests to see what can help improve the situation, but he was very honest about the fact that he wouldn’t be able to change the outcome too much, even if insurance does approve some things like botox injections and some medications. This hit me HARD! There wasn’t many positive points from the doctor, despite my full respect for his knowledge.
If mental funk had a smell, I would smell like teenage boy after gym class for sure. I sulked for a while, tried to distract myself, and went to lunch with some of my favorite residents. None of which helped me change the negativity to positive thoughts. I pouted, told others of my woe, and I would’ve stomped my feet if it didn’t hurt so much.
So, I did something about it… no I didn’t try yoga, deep breathing, meditation, or even prayer- I slept. That’s right, a good ole nap. With the lights and television off and locking my phone to silent, I vegged out and napped for about ninety minutes. I woke up and took stock of my mood, not rainbows and butterflies, but much better. I was officially on the side of being positive over being negative. I went to dinner, laughed with a friend, and decided I was over it.
Then I did my usual wind-down routine before falling asleep, all knowing that tomorrow was another day to try to stay on the “Sunny Side of Life!” and be positive for myself and others. I did my usual 2am wake up and had a BIG thought… what is stopping me from using the NuStep Bike as an arm bike? That is, why can’t I continue my cardiac rehab using my arms and not my injured leg/hip? Positive thoughts beget positive actions… I need to reboot myself once more to be able to find my frame of thinking.
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