I saw this image the other day online and decided it described me to a “T”! I am beyond 100% behind the silly goose trend having bought more goose outfits for my mom’s porch (lanai) goose than I care to share. Similarly, the image of a wet paper straw is vivid to almost anyone that has had to manage one of these stupid inventions. Some friends and family call me flakey or unreliable these days because I cancel more events/outings than I actually go on. Others are just relieved that I canceled, so they don’t have to worry about me getting “sick” or passing out when I am with them. All of this can be lumped under medical stability.
Each day, outing or event is up for the stability monster to steal. I can wake up being beyond excited for something upcoming and feel great, only to have the medical stability monster to wrestle me into my bed with a migraine, pain, low blood pressure, low blood sugar, etc. My monster is very lucky because there are so many medical conditions to choose from. If he ever gets bored of that, he decided my portable oxygen concentrator doesn’t want to work, or my wheelchair didn’t charge correctly. In my world of stability, nothing is off the table.
I used to be reliable. I used to be the one that made things happen despite what else might be going on. The only thing that used to slow me down was my crazy job responsibilities. Now, I’ve learned to not to commit to anyone or anything because I just end up disappointing myself when I can’t make it happen. Stability is a funny thing, you never think about it until you become a giant flake!
I’ve learned to stop mourning my prior life and see the possibilities of my new life. Without my job, which is loved, dragging me down and sucking up so much energy, I am free to see other things. I have resumed regular reading and increased my prayer time. I have had time to write this blog, and start something from scratch. I am preparing myself to welcome a partner-in-crime with a wet-nose! Most important, I have learned not to measure myself by what others think about me.
This step took a lot of work. I had to hit rock bottom several times to find the strength to change my mourning into dancing. I fully surrendered myself to my creator and asked Mother Mary for Her help to undo the knots of my life. I was honest with myself, friends, family, and even strangers. I worked hard in therapy and continue to do so. I know its not going to be lollipops and gumdrops here on out, but being honest with myself and others means that the rollercoaster of my stability should be a little less like Rockin’ Rollercoaster (now Muppets) and a little more like Dumbo!
I will continue to battle the stability monster. With practice, a fluffy best friend, and maybe a little found luck, I will start winning more than losing the battles. After all the view from Dumbo is SO much better! I might never reach the status of my favorite stainless steel straw, but anything is better than trying to use a paper straw!
How to you maintain your own stability? What are your go-to strategies?
