Fiercely Independent Pam

Tag: Let Them

  • The “Let Them” Theory In Practice… Not As Easy As It Seems!

    I love all things Mel Robbins; her podcast, her books, and now her protein company. She is the world renowned author of the Let Them Theory. I listened to this over a year ago and have gifted this audio to at least five different people. Essentially this theory states people are going to say and do things that you like or dislike, either way- Let them! And then the second and important part is “Let Me”… what action are you going to do, since that is all you actually can control.

    I have embraced this idea full force. I try my hardest to not allow the actions of other’s dictate how I feel or what I am going to do. There is incredible control in that. We cannot determine what someone else is going to do, think, or act, but we can only determine what WE are going to do, think, or act.

    Recently, I was dealing with a situation that just wasn’t fair. What I said was miscommunicated to another, important person to me and feelings were hurt. I felt horrible and the person didn’t believe that I didn’t intend to harm her. Regardless of what I could do or say, I needed to let her have her feelings about the situation and hope she would eventually come around. At the same time, it was up to me to control how I would respond. What was I going to do about the situation? I decided the best thing was to state my “case” and simply move on. I do not have superpowers to change people’s minds or make them believe me. I need to keep that in mind and use it to make decisions about my own behavior.

    Do I enjoy hurting people? Not at all, but it’s something that unfortunately happens from time to time. I can only change my own behavior to prevent it from happening in the future. I have learned who I can trust with information and who I cannot. It is a mistake I will not make again.

    It’s important to see both sides of this theory. If you do only half, you will barely get half the results. I want to get the most “bang for my buck!” so I am choosing to change my own behavior and let others chose their own behaviors too. It’s so simple in theory and yet so difficult in practice.

    I have also found that applying this theory gives me something to do with my anxiety. Instead of focusing on what I can’t change and overthinking the what-ifs, I can focus on what I am going to do. I can take action with myself. This means that not only am I moving forward, but I am not taking the anxiety and what-if with me!

    What obstacles are you facing right now that could improve by applying these ideas?

    How do we keep these thoughts in the front of our minds so that they can be applied on a regular basis?

  • My Life as a Plant…

    My biggest hurdle in dealing with my medical issues, is not the pain, constant appointments, or missing answers, but rather the unbelief of others. Whether it is doctors, nurses, friends, family members, or even strangers, it’s so hard to deal with people who believe that there is no way I could have so much wrong with me. It eats me to my core. I know I have to deal with these feelings and I need to let people have their own feelings, but it’s not easy. Much like a plant, I can weather a storm, but still need some TLC at times.

    I can handle the medical procedures, medications, and pain. I boost myself up and put on a smile along with my crazy curls and deal with what has been handed to me. I believe that it is not to hurt me, but rather teach me and help me be stronger for myself and others. I shut down and wilt like a plant when others don’t believe or think they can solve all my issues.

    Lately, my wilting and shut downs do not portray my best-self. I get upset, cry, and become very anxious. This cycle just keeps me in a place that I do not enjoy, nor does anyone around me. I will continue to work on this but it’s so important and easy to be believed. To the medical world, do your homework, my issues, while mostly invisible, are still very much real. Things like shunts, surgeries, and medications do not happen without having proven needs that are not arbitrary, but reality for myself and thousands of others.

    To my friends and family, it sucks that I am not reliable anymore and that I need help. Please always tell me if I am asking too much or you are not able to help. I promise it will not change our relationship. Ghosting me or not explaining the distance, hurts and will impact our relationship, which I hope neither of us wants. To strangers that feel they need to comment, I will simply let you believe what you want, your comments sting, but frankly, I don’t have the energy to fight for a non-existent relationship.

    All of this might seem a little cold or not like me, but it’s self-preservation at this point. I’ve chosen to subscribe to the “Let Them Theory”, in which I recognize that I cannot force or make anyone do anything, only people can change if they want to. It has been a freeing practice, and has helped me not to stress about relationships.

    For now, I will recognize that my body does not look like a temple, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to treat it that way. I really am the lost plant on clearance begging for a little water, sun, and love. I will push through the ugly soil, but just need to believed that it is possible. My scars and experiences tell a story that I am proud of.