Fiercely Independent Pam

Tag: Chronic Illness

  • Learning Curve: Starting My Journey with Self Catheterization…

    So, I had an incredibly supportive visit with a urologist at MUSC a few days ago. I never regret the expense or struggle to get there, as it’s 2 1/2 hours away, but it definitely takes a toll on my body. This last visit caused a major PEM crash- I could barely get out of bed for about 36 hours. Today, I’m feeling much more like myself, but still going to attempt to keep things easy.

    Urology update: The MUSC urologist had a totally different approach than I what I was coming up against with my previous urologist. He wants to investigate the problem with continued strichers (most likely caused by multiple foley catheters). He is recommending 3 different procedures including his own turn at a cystoscope under anesthesia. Scheduling them won’t be easy but hopefully it will be worth it.

    In the meantime, I had an amazing nurse teach me, with extreme patience and cheerleading, how to properly self-cath. She allowed me to try multiple times and encouraged me along the way- such a difference than my previous teaching attempt. This allowed me to go home without a foley, which in turn helps with the intense bladder spasms I was having, never mind the chaos of running over my foley with my power wheelchair.

    The process of self catheterizing is not easy. I spent so much time attempting this task, but finally feel like I’m getting the hang of it. The learning curve is huge- still trying not to make a mess of things and the biggest lesson is to simply relax and not to stress out about the process. I’m still working on the timing and how often to attempt, but feel like I found a solution to my urinary issues for now.

    Still wondering how to handle being out and about and needing to self-cath, but that too will come with time. I want to attempt to do it over the toilet and not laying down like I have been. I just keep reminding myself to breathe, relax, and let things happen as they will. Stressing out only makes things more difficult.

    I often joke that my medical journey is going to make a “nurse out of me.” Between self-administering iv’s, picc line management, injections, medication management, iv antibiotics, iv anti-virals, feeding tube, and now self-catheterization, I feel like this is a real possibility.

    Update: I have definitely evolved from here. I am now able to self-cath “out in the wild” and over the toilet. It’s a huge relief that this journey won’t limit me. I continue to be Fiercely Independent!

  • Are you complex?

    I saw a reel today that essential asked the question, “Do you feel that the more medically complex you get, the less effort providers spend on finding answers for you?” It hit home for me, especially in light of my recent hospitalizations.

    It amazes me that providers tell you that you are on too much medication and then chose to prescribe more medication just to elevate symptoms. On top of that, some providers believe it is their responsibility to re-test to see if you “really” have a certain conditions. This most recently happened to me while inpatient in the hospital. I have secondary adrenal insufficiency caused by long-term steroids. I have to supplement with daily steroids and when I am sick, I require a “stress dose.” The hospitalist that had my case decided to withdraw all steroids and get a cortisol level to test to see if I really had adrenal insufficiency. Of course beyond feeling like absolute crap, my levels came back super low.

    I’m not quite sure why providers can’t take your medical history (documented by other providers) as truth, especially when it is complex and large. People do not get things like shunts, surgery, medical devices or even some prescriptions without having to prove their diagnosis. I am all for eliminating unnecessary meds or tests, but let’s not test just to test because you don’t believe someone can be this complex.

    The toll of having to prove yourself over and over is huge. It’s exhausting to not only redo tests to prove a diagnosis, but also the psychological impact of not being believed.

    We need to do better.

  • I hate being sick…

    I found this quote (pasted below) and realized it said so much of what I feel on a regular basis. Those, thankfully rare moments that I really consider where I am in life. Having chronic illnesses means always finding a balance between obsessing about getting better and pretending your life is normal or in other words, embracing the reality versus ignoring the facts. Most of the time this is for self preservation; nobody, including myself wants to hear about the struggles all the time. I often tell people that my full-time job is taking care of my health and that isn’t really a joke.

    When you couple chronic illness with invisible illness, and add in rare diseases into the mix, you are faced with a ongoing problem of being believed, but almost anyone, after all no one should or could have all of this. My list is crazy(simpliefied): Primary Immune Deficiency, Asthma/COPD, IIH, RA, POTS, Adrenal Insufficiency, Type 2 Diabetes, Hashimoto’s Disease, Migraines, anemia, SVT, pituitary tumor, kidney stones, urinary issues, back/neck/hip arthritis, endometriosis/ovarian cysts(now a non-issue due to recent hysterectomy), severe allergies, history of PE and DVT and depression/anxiety. I am always aware and thankful for the other scary stuff that I have been diagnosed with and then proven otherwise like MS and Myasthenia gravis. I am well over 50+ surgeries and have been plagued with orthopedic issues from a bad car accident and stupid bad luck, along with years of playing sports. My medication list is ridiculous and it gets slapped with “Poly-pharmacy” all the time, something that the good providers see as a potential problem but not sure how to handle it. I swallow pills and give myself injections like its my job!

    I write this today, not for pity or attention, but mostly for my own good and hopefully someone else will feel less alone in their own medical journey. I do not expect my family, friends, or my “tribe” to fully comprehend all of this, as I barely do. I do hope that those who surround me with love give me grace to be imperfect sometimes. In turn, I vow to keep fighting and giving myself this same grace. I will continue to “Not let the hard days win” as I have won !00% of my battles against bad days! I will continue to search for new treatments and support, my biggest adventure in this area is attempting to get a service dog for mobility, assistance, medical alert, and of course companionship; all of this would be a total game- changer.