Fiercely Independent Pam

Category: Updates

  • Being Positive Smells SO Much Better than Negativity

    I really try to be positive and spread positive thoughts. I am an optimist by nature and believe the best is going to happen. At least, most of the time. Yesterday threw me for a loop to say the least. Instead of my usual positive thoughts, I quickly spiraled into negativity.

    I know how it happened, first my toilet flooded my bathroom. This was followed by being given some bad news at my tele-health doctor’s appointment. Then, I couldn’t schedule my MRI for my hip. I created my own misery and couldn’t get out of it. My usual, positive vibe was no where to be found.

    The toilet flooded because I had a new grab bar type contraption installed due to my potential hip fracture. The contraption made the tank sit uneven, causing it to leak and spill all over the floor. Maintenance was wonderful and took care of everything, but it was still frustrating and definitely not a pleasant or positive event!

    My tele-health was with my urologist at MUSC. It was a follow up from my previous procedures for my “floppy bladder.” I’ll spare you from the nitty gritty details, but I was essentially told that I will most likely have to self-catheterize for the rest of my life and that there is little that can be done to change that. He is going to have me complete a few more tests to see what can help improve the situation, but he was very honest about the fact that he wouldn’t be able to change the outcome too much, even if insurance does approve some things like botox injections and some medications. This hit me HARD! There wasn’t many positive points from the doctor, despite my full respect for his knowledge.

    If mental funk had a smell, I would smell like teenage boy after gym class for sure. I sulked for a while, tried to distract myself, and went to lunch with some of my favorite residents. None of which helped me change the negativity to positive thoughts. I pouted, told others of my woe, and I would’ve stomped my feet if it didn’t hurt so much.

    So, I did something about it… no I didn’t try yoga, deep breathing, meditation, or even prayer- I slept. That’s right, a good ole nap. With the lights and television off and locking my phone to silent, I vegged out and napped for about ninety minutes. I woke up and took stock of my mood, not rainbows and butterflies, but much better. I was officially on the side of being positive over being negative. I went to dinner, laughed with a friend, and decided I was over it.

    Then I did my usual wind-down routine before falling asleep, all knowing that tomorrow was another day to try to stay on the “Sunny Side of Life!” and be positive for myself and others. I did my usual 2am wake up and had a BIG thought… what is stopping me from using the NuStep Bike as an arm bike? That is, why can’t I continue my cardiac rehab using my arms and not my injured leg/hip? Positive thoughts beget positive actions… I need to reboot myself once more to be able to find my frame of thinking.

  • Why Not Me? A Very Rough Ten-Year Plan

    I am a big follower of Mel Robbins (Think the “Let Them Theory”) and her podcasts. Recently she has had 3 different episodes that truly spoke to me, especially right now, as I try to plan and determine, what is next!

    The first was Debbie Millman, a designer who gave a step-by-step process to designing the life you want. This piqued my interest as someone who is trying to recreate myself. She suggested an exercise of imagining what your life will look like in ten years.

    The second was Morgan Housel, author of several works, including The Psychology of Money. Morgan spoke about how he equates managing money in terms of independence. He offered short vignettes into various people’s lives and how money affected them. I went on to read his book, The Psychology of Money.

    The third was astronaut, Kellie Gerardi. Kellie gave a step-by-step process to building the life you want. As a mom, researcher, influencer, and goal setter, she inspired me to think about what’s next. She always dreamed of becoming an astronaut, and when she achieved her goal, she needed to set new goals and dreams. I have taken a deep dive into her online presence.

    The “take-away” from all three consisted of hard work, dreaming, luck, and the need to make your goals tangible by putting them out into the universe. Each had their own way of doing this, but I realized it was time to put my thoughts, dreams, and prayers into the universe, even if they are in rough form. I want to transform this bulleted list into something much more visual and creative, but for now, I offer you my very rough ten -year plan.

    • Financial Independence
      o Non dependent on SS benefits
      o Savings for “retirement” and emergencies
      o No debts
      o Good credit rating
      o Able to meet my medical needs
    • Attain/Befriend my Service Dog
    • Attain/Maintain a healthy weight
    • Able to travel
      o Disney
      o Cruise
      o Reunion 2026
    • Return to driving/ Transportation independence
    • Own my own home
    • Medical Stability
    • Create & Manage a Non-Profit
    • Blog/Social Media Reach of over 25K

  • Health Update: A Setback or Reboot? My Latest Adventure

    A setback is just another word for reboot. I could say it is something negative, as it seems like everything is against me at times, but I am choosing to see it as an opportunity to reboot. That is, my cardiac rehab plan was going so well, but something unseen must have been wrong.

    Last Tuesday night, when I was getting ready to go to bed, I stood up from my wheelchair to place an insulin needle in my sharps container. I remember that I didn’t “feel well” aka, my blood pressure was dropping, and next thing I know, I was waking up on the floor. I was fairly confident that nothing super emergent was going on, but I had incredible pain in my hip, neck and back. I knew this meant that I needed to go to the ER and get checked out. So, I called the ambulance to help me get up and bring me to the ER.

    The ER ran scans of my head and neck, as well as X-rays of my pelvis. Nothing was out of the normal range for me, so they sent me home. I knew this fall would be a setback for my progress, but resolved to continue to trust the process. I got home around 1:30am and had a very uncomfortable night.

    The next morning, I planned on having a quiet day to recover. I made up my mind that I wanted to follow up with my orthopedic doctor about my hip. I was excited to get an appointment for the next day. Not a setback, but progress… My appointment was with a PA that works with my hip orthopedic doctor. He was wonderful but had unfortunate news- he was fairly certain that I fractured my hip and need to be completely non-weight bearing until I could get an MRI and figure out next steps. Another setback for sure, as if there is a fracture, I will require surgery!

    So, I am mastering transferring from my wheelchair without putting weight on my left hip/leg. This “setback” has reminded me of how grateful I am for my wonderful power wheelchair that gives me freedom, even in unknown times. I am also in a holding pattern, waiting for an appointment for my MRI, with several implanted medical devices, clearance for a MRI takes some time!