Fiercely Independent Pam

Tag: VP Shunt

  • A Shout Out- Saying Thank You to My Healthcare Team at Grand Strand Hospital

    I am a big believer of acknowledging when people go above and beyond what is expected of them. Sometimes, it’s not a big gesture or lifesaving heroic act, but a quiet voice that whispers, “I believe you and want to help you” that makes all the difference.

    I am currently in the hospital and today is day nine of being here. Nobody enjoys being in the hospital, but that isn’t anybody’s fault. For the most part, nurses, doctors, and all the other healthcare workers really try to make a stay decent. It hasn’t been all smooth sailing, but there are many individuals that are allowing may stay to not be so hard.

    First off, a special shout out to the nurses that I have met and helped me thus far. From the emergency department, to the ICU and now on the regular floor, then nurses have been dedicated, knowledgeable, and generally enjoyable to be around. Whether it was a good conversation in the middle of the night(and there were many), careful administration of medications, or just interest in what I was doing to pass the time, “my” nurses help keep me positive despite the health challenges I face. It isn’t easy to find the time to connect with a patient in light of the demands of the job, but it is so appreciated.

    Secondly, the doctors and providers that have steered this latest visit have been top notch. My biggest hurdle on my personal healthcare journey, is when I am not believed, especially by healthcare providers. I have an odd sense about my body and can always tell when something isn’t right. I so appreciate the providers that trust this gut feeling and explore possibilities, even when the presentation isn’t typical. Today, my doctor came in my room after having a procedure and took the time to acknowledge that my journey is difficult; that made a huge impact on me.

    Finally, the “other” healthcare workers that pull together to make time spent in the hospital not so ,miserable. This includes the housekeeping staff that say, “Good Morning” instead of avoiding contact and listening to their AirPods. Also the techs who just know that an ice cream will help in that very moment or are willing without complaining to clean up a mess or change a bed without being asked. The smiles from transport workers and dietary departments go along way too.

    I am sometimes guilty of only acknowledging when something goes wrong. This visit things did go wrong at times, but someone always made it right by listening to me. Being chronically ill, means a lot of time is spent in the hospital. I see good, bad, and ugly, but this visit (which will hopefully be over soon), has been worthy of a BIG Shout- Out!! I wish I kept a list of names of individuals that made this possible, but for now, I say Good JOB and Thank YOU!

  • Hurry Up and Wait…

    My dad would say this all the time, especially when dealing with the medical field. Being in the hospital is a waiting game; you have very little control over when something is going to happen. Nevertheless, you always seemed rushed.

    I’ve been in the hospital, this time for a week now. When I came in, they wanted to do a lumbar puncture to determine what could be going on in my head/shunt. The doctors attempted several times bedside in the emergency department, but had no luck. Lumbar punctures are never fun and always pretty painful. The decision was made to repeat the attempt with the help of interventional radiology (IR). The problem with this is that IR would not do the lumbar puncture until my blood thinners were held for at least five days. So, I waited.

    Five days later landed me right smack during the weekend, where there is a skeleton crew for IR. So, it being Monday, I believed that I would be scheduled today. Around four o’clock, I figured it wasn’t going to happen and I was bumped to tomorrow. My nurse confirmed this and a whole lot of “Hurry up and wait” took place.

    We will try again tomorrow and with any luck it will be a success and I will be able to go home afterwards. Having a shunt and having IIH means that lumbar punctures are always on the table. I came in with a severe headache and blurry/double vision. These are troubling signs of possible papilledema or swelling of the optic nerve in one or both eyes. This can lead to permanent vision loss if not corrected and treated.

    I’ve had several rounds of dealing with papilledema and each time my previous eye doctor would remind me of the seriousness of the issue. Unfortunately, an eye exam is a tricky thing in the hospital. It usually needs to be done as an outpatient because of the necessary equipment and most hospitals don’t have ophthalmologists available beyond phone consults.

    I will be sure to follow up with a local ophthalmologist and if necessary, my neuro- opthalmologist at MUSC. More opportunities to “hurry up and wait!”

  • My Life as a Plant…

    My biggest hurdle in dealing with my medical issues, is not the pain, constant appointments, or missing answers, but rather the unbelief of others. Whether it is doctors, nurses, friends, family members, or even strangers, it’s so hard to deal with people who believe that there is no way I could have so much wrong with me. It eats me to my core. I know I have to deal with these feelings and I need to let people have their own feelings, but it’s not easy. Much like a plant, I can weather a storm, but still need some TLC at times.

    I can handle the medical procedures, medications, and pain. I boost myself up and put on a smile along with my crazy curls and deal with what has been handed to me. I believe that it is not to hurt me, but rather teach me and help me be stronger for myself and others. I shut down and wilt like a plant when others don’t believe or think they can solve all my issues.

    Lately, my wilting and shut downs do not portray my best-self. I get upset, cry, and become very anxious. This cycle just keeps me in a place that I do not enjoy, nor does anyone around me. I will continue to work on this but it’s so important and easy to be believed. To the medical world, do your homework, my issues, while mostly invisible, are still very much real. Things like shunts, surgeries, and medications do not happen without having proven needs that are not arbitrary, but reality for myself and thousands of others.

    To my friends and family, it sucks that I am not reliable anymore and that I need help. Please always tell me if I am asking too much or you are not able to help. I promise it will not change our relationship. Ghosting me or not explaining the distance, hurts and will impact our relationship, which I hope neither of us wants. To strangers that feel they need to comment, I will simply let you believe what you want, your comments sting, but frankly, I don’t have the energy to fight for a non-existent relationship.

    All of this might seem a little cold or not like me, but it’s self-preservation at this point. I’ve chosen to subscribe to the “Let Them Theory”, in which I recognize that I cannot force or make anyone do anything, only people can change if they want to. It has been a freeing practice, and has helped me not to stress about relationships.

    For now, I will recognize that my body does not look like a temple, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to treat it that way. I really am the lost plant on clearance begging for a little water, sun, and love. I will push through the ugly soil, but just need to believed that it is possible. My scars and experiences tell a story that I am proud of.