Fiercely Independent Pam

Tag: My Tribe

  • My Love Affair with a Hospital: Adventures at MUSC

    Well it’s been a hot minute since I’ve added a new post. I have been busy with health stuff including making a transfer of sorts from a local hospital in Myrtle Beach to MUSC in Charleston. I love MUSC; I love the team centered approach, the willingness to think outside the box, and most importantly that they put patients ahead of profit. I went from needing another brain surgery to “just” needing a tune up of meds. Such a relief.

    So, I said my transfer was unique. I decided that I needed to make a change in care as I was simply spinning wheels at the local hospital. They were making calls and shot and hoping they would work. So, I decided to take a giant leap of faith and discharge from the local hospital and find a way to MUSC.

    Luckily, I have an amazing tribe (See here for a post dedicated to them). My dear friend answered the tribe “bat call” and agreed to bring me on Monday. It was a leap of faith for sure because there was no guarantee that I would be admitted, but I was and here I am! I cannot stress enough the importance of having a tribe- and do not be afraid of adding new people, sometimes they just need to be asked.

    Beyond the excellent care and better food, I love having a team of med students- attendings guiding my care. I hope my case teaches them something too. They all treat with care and understanding instead of the bare minimum just to check off a box. MUSC truly is a special place.

    Now comes my biggest hurdle, transportation. I no longer drive and rely solely on others to get around. Usually for any local trips, I am able to rely on the bus at my community. I also got a text message from a new local company that I recently tried that just purchased a wheelchair accessible van! Of course there is a fee, but I feel like that has opened some doors for me. Never stop looking for solutions.

    Until tomorrow, I am safe, pain is being managed, and transportation will work itself out somehow. It’s much easier to “keep the faith” when you are at a place like MUSC.

  • My life as a Plant…

    My biggest hurdle in dealing with my medical issues, is not the pain, constant appointments, or missing answers, but rather the unbelief of others. Whether it is doctors, nurses, friends, family members, or even strangers, it’s so hard to deal with people who believe that there is no way I could have so much wrong with me. It eats me to my core. I know I have to deal with these feelings and I need to let people have their own feelings, but it’s not easy.

    I can handle the medical procedures, medications, and pain. I boost myself up and put on a smile along with my crazy curls and deal with what has been handed to me. I believe that it is not to hurt me, but rather teach me and help me be stronger for myself and others. I shut down and wilt when others don’t believe or think they can solve all my issues.

    Lately, my wilting and shut downs do not portray my best-self. I get upset, cry, and become very anxious. This cycle just keeps me in a place that I do not enjoy, nor does anyone around me. I will continue to work on this but it’s so important and easy to be believed. To the medical world, do your homework, my issues, while mostly invisible, are still very much real. Things like shunts, surgeries, and medications do not happen without having proven needs that are not arbitrary, but reality for myself and thousands of others. To my friends and family, it sucks that I am not reliable anymore and that I need help. Please always tell me if I am asking too much or you are not able to help. I promise it will not change our relationship. Ghosting me or not explaining the distance, hurts and will impact our relationship, which I hope neither of us wants. To strangers that feel they need to comment, I will simply let you believe what you want, your comments sting, but frankly, I don’t have the energy to fight for a non-existent relationship.

    All of this might seem a little cold or not like me, but it’s self-preservation at this point. I’ve chosen to subscribe to the “Let Them Theory”, in which I recognize that I cannot force or make anyone do anything, only people can change if they want to. It has been a freeing practice, and has helped me not to stress about relationships.

    For now, I will recognize that my body does not look like a temple, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to treat it that way. I really am the lost plant on clearance begging for a little water, sun, and love. I will push through the ugly soil, but just need to believed that it is possible. My scars and experiences tell a story that I am proud of.

  • I hate being sick…

    I found this quote (pasted below) and realized it said so much of what I feel on a regular basis. Those, thankfully rare moments that I really consider where I am in life. Having chronic illnesses means always finding a balance between obsessing about getting better and pretending your life is normal or in other words, embracing the reality versus ignoring the facts. Most of the time this is for self preservation; nobody, including myself wants to hear about the struggles all the time. I often tell people that my full-time job is taking care of my health and that isn’t really a joke.

    When you couple chronic illness with invisible illness, and add in rare diseases into the mix, you are faced with a ongoing problem of being believed, but almost anyone, after all no one should or could have all of this. My list is crazy(simpliefied): Primary Immune Deficiency, Asthma/COPD, IIH, RA, POTS, Adrenal Insufficiency, Type 2 Diabetes, Hashimoto’s Disease, Migraines, anemia, SVT, pituitary tumor, kidney stones, urinary issues, back/neck/hip arthritis, endometriosis/ovarian cysts(now a non-issue due to recent hysterectomy), severe allergies, history of PE and DVT and depression/anxiety. I am always aware and thankful for the other scary stuff that I have been diagnosed with and then proven otherwise like MS and Myasthenia gravis. I am well over 50+ surgeries and have been plagued with orthopedic issues from a bad car accident and stupid bad luck, along with years of playing sports. My medication list is ridiculous and it gets slapped with “Poly-pharmacy” all the time, something that the good providers see as a potential problem but not sure how to handle it. I swallow pills and give myself injections like its my job!

    I write this today, not for pity or attention, but mostly for my own good and hopefully someone else will feel less alone in their own medical journey. I do not expect my family, friends, or my “tribe” to fully comprehend all of this, as I barely do. I do hope that those who surround me with love give me grace to be imperfect sometimes. In turn, I vow to keep fighting and giving myself this same grace. I will continue to “Not let the hard days win” as I have won !00% of my battles against bad days! I will continue to search for new treatments and support, my biggest adventure in this area is attempting to get a service dog for mobility, assistance, medical alert, and of course companionship; all of this would be a total game- changer.