Fiercely Independent Pam

Tag: gaslighting

  • Navigating the World of Hospital Visits: My 5 Top Stressors!

    Being in the hospital is never fun or even tolerable at times. My complicated medical history means I have become a self-proclaimed expert at hospital stays. I have learned the good, bad, and downright ugly parts. Navigating hospital stays are stressful, especially when you are on your own.

    I thought I would provide my top 5 stressors when I am in the hospital in no particular order along with how I navigate them, somewhat successfully; I am a work in progress to say the least.

    1. Medical Gaslighting: defined as: Medical gaslighting happens when a healthcare professional dismisses, minimizes, or invalidates your symptoms and concerns. This can cause you to doubt your own health experiences. It often stems from unconscious bias, a lack of knowledge about certain conditions, or medical paternalism rather than intentional malice.
      • I try hard to ignore and stand my ground in a kind manner. This is the hardest thing for me as my anxiety is triggered easily by gaslighting due to previous experiences.
      • Being a woman comes with the “consequence” of a higher risk of medical gaslighting.
      • I try to remember that medical gaslighting is not intended to be taken personally, it is a problem with the provider, NOT me.
    2. Not accepting my experiences and knowledge.
      • Sometimes providers are amazing at asking for your input since you have lived with this condition sometimes longer than they have been treating it, other times, not as much.
      • I have found, again, keeping my composure and using kindness gets me much further and allows me to share more of my story.
      • Being prepared by having my medications, allergies, previous surgeries, and conditions listed clearly in a file or printed show organization and usually garners more respect from the provider.
    3. Being ignored or not answering call bells in a timely manner, especially for toileting requests.
      • I completely understand that at times, personnel aren’t able to come right away, it is acceptable up to twenty minutes or so, but after that, is just cruel.
      • Trying to prevent, as much as possible emergency situations by requesting help before you are going to have an accident.
      • Not being demanding with the call bell unless it is truly an emergent situation.
      • Explain your special needs ahead of time to as many people that need know. In my case I let my tech and nurses know that I self-cath and it needs to be over the toilet. I will keep to a schedule as much as possible but may need their help in between and that means it’s urgent.
    4. Questioning other doctor’s diagnosis’s or previous tests/procedures in an unprofessional manner.
      • I do a lot of research to find high quality providers from speciality places. I travel near and far as needed. It is very frustrating when a general hospitalist or similar tries to rework an entire treatment plan from a specialist.
      • If I do not believe that the hospital provider is going to honor a treatment plan I try to just let it go and plan to touch base with my provider when I leave the hospital to review what was changed and what I should do. Keeping calm and knowing I have a plan after discharge helps a LOT.
    5. Not being allowed to advocate for myself, especially when there is no one else around.
      • I am often in the hospital by myself without friends or family. This requires me to be a “well behaved” patient as well as my own advocate. Two roles that sometimes conflict with each other.
      • I try to remind providers that I am my own advocate and that I do not have family present. Sometimes that allows them to “hear” me in a different light.
      • I start off gently when advocating, I only stand my ground or get aggressive when my anxiety gets the best of me. I try to explain that I have a lot of medical anxiety and ask for forgiveness if I get aggressive, but stand my ground on the issue. I often ask them to come back after I can compose myself and apply coping strategies, which may include prn anxiety meds.

    This is just the surface of what I find frustrating in a hospital, but the most important to me. Dietary issues, attitudes, and facility issues are secondary. Naming my medical anxiety seems to be the best solution for me to feel comfortable and heard. Using a combination of coping skills I have learned and practiced as well as additional medications when appropriate goes a long way. I also, always try to remember that health care workers are overworked and stressed too. A smile and a warm greeting can sometimes keep any situation from becoming hateful or uncomfortable for anyone.

    What are your stressors in the hospital? How do you manage them?

  • Quickly Approaching 100 Posts!!

    Technically, this is my 100th post! I started this blog in April and took some time off due to medical stuff, but I’ve been committed to it for almost a year now. Honestly, I did not think I would enjoy it as much as I do. I’ve never considered myself a writer, but I am enjoying finding my voice through “Fiercely Independent Pam!!”

    I have shared things with you, my audience, that I never would have expected to, but feel very strongly that if it can help someone else on their own journey, then it is worth it. My journey continues to take all sorts of twists and turns, most I would have never anticipated. It is so important to note that none of my successes would have happened without the people I call my tribe! These are my friends and family both locally and from a distance. The visit, phone call, text, or FaceTime, makes all the difference in not feeling so alone.

    I need to also include some of my doctors, especially those from MUSC as part of my tribe. I have uncovered answers from medical mysteries that are decades old. Unfortunately, I have also had nightmare gaslighting experiences with other providers. It’s important to remember that both can happen, we need our tribe of family and friends to believe us.

    Looking forward, I have so much to be excited about. Continued care for my dysautonomia/POTS, losing a little more weight, getting a stronger handle on my blood sugar, and getting better at Mahjong, finding the right medication for my RA, starting my tutoring services again, and more!

    Most exciting of course, is the possibility of a service dog with PAALS. Three years ago, I told my brother Tim that long-term I wanted a service dog to assist me with mobility tasks, I think he thought I was crazy, but I told him it was going to happen. And here it is, closer than ever. I pray each night that I am gifted this opportunity (and it happens soon). I truly believe it will be life changing.

    Well there it is, my 100th post- I thank you for sticking with me and reading my posts. The best thing you can do to help me is to share my posts and social media pages. I will continue to create content as long as there are people to interact with!