I know I write about my Facebook memories a lot, or at least it seems like a lot. It really is my favorite feature of Facebook- I love looking back at the last 16+ years. On this day, seven years ago, I made it official that I was not returning to work (teaching or as a principal) but, with my doctors guidance, filed for long term disability and would be moving to Florida to spend some much needed time with my parents. I was so mad that I couldn’t make the decision for myself, I never thought I would get over that!
At the time, I felt like a complete failure. I was a talented teacher who couldn’t teach and needed to move in with my parents at 40+ just to make ends meet. It was devastating! My entire world was turned upside down and I was faced with fitting everything I wanted with me for the foreseeable future (and Sofi, my 80+ pound lab) into my Rav4.
I gave away most of my furniture, put some precious items in a storage unit, and packed up Sofi and I for an adventure that neither of knew what to expect. It turns out that this was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sofi got to live her best retirement life and I traded the classroom for some amazing and needed memories with my parents.
I was worried that I would lose purpose from my life. I was worried that I would be miserable and HOT! I remember driving the many, many hours south to Punta Gorda and coming up to a stretch of the highway that was outlined in gorgeous palm trees and a bright blue sky. It was my perfect God wink that I was doing something right.
I had about two years with my parents that consisted of sorting out their needs, pills, and insurance nightmares. We also had many nights of ice cream for dinner, car shows, and easy Sunday rides. We swam in their pool almost daily (especially Sofi) and every morning, my dad would say, “Just another day in paradise!”
Then the harder days came, mom’s memory was failing and she was loosing mobility, she had some close calls including a major fall and emergency brain surgery followed by a long stay in rehab. Dad’s cancer began to spread and caused him a lot of pain, but he continued to do the cooking, laundry, and other jobs around the house. I taught him the wonders of the instapot and instacart and he learned all about dealing with my food allergies. Of course all of this was during Covid and we desperately needed each other’s company.
My health continued to disintegrate. Multiple hospitalizations, needing a vp shunt, and mega doses of steroids took their toll on my body. Somehow together, we made it work. I ended up giving up my car, which was a big deal to me, little did I know that eventually I would have to give up driving all together.
Then came the hardest days. In the same week, my dad passed away, we placed my mom in a nursing home, and I found myself alone again. Luckily, my brothers and sisters are amazing and we continued to work together to get the tasks done. My sisters ended up staying for a few weeks and it was the best kind of medicine for me! Then I found myself alone, in a house I had no business being in (too much to take care of).
I continued to visit my mom pretty much daily at the nursing home and found that was the best thing for both of us. I showed up with an iced cappuccino from Dunkin and either a donut or munchkins each day, with the occasional break for ice cream. We planned birthday parties and I listened to some pretty crazy stories. At the time, I didn’t realize, but I would do anything to have to make one more stop at Dunkin for her!
All in all, seven years ago a decision was made that changed every trajectory of my life, but it was the BEST decision I could’ve made. I don’t know how things would have been different but living with my parents for those years was beyond amazing. if you are living through the “caretaking” phase with your parents, just know you will barely remember the “bad” moments, but will forever remember that you were there for them, just like they were there for you!
