Fiercely Independent Pam

Tag: confidence

  • Wrapping My Head Around The Idea That I’m Not Going to Be Dropped and Break My Leg Again: I Can Stand!

    I have a mental break that I am going to fall and break my leg again. I am trying so hard to get over it, but it is still there- past trauma rears its ugly head at the worst possible times. I want nothing more than to stand up and have the strength to stay there and take a few steps. This is mission critical to be able to stand and walk again. I know I play the role of someone who is tough and able to handle so much, but when my brain plays tricks on me it’s so much harder. When I was in Florida and learning to walk again, I had an unfortunate incident where I was dropped by a staff member and broke my leg.

    Then in October, I had my accident with getting run over by a car and breaking my leg once more. So, I am struggling with my confidence to say the least. All of this coupled with getting stuck in a few bathrooms and needing the fire department to lift me out of some bizarre situations, has left me more than vulnerable. It does amaze me that I am not embarrassed but just need to do what needs to be done!

    I am so fortunate that I had amazing primary care from Your Health- Lindsey was able to work magic and get me registered here at Encompass, which is exactly where I am supposed to be. I am willing to spend as much time as possible to get this right, even if it means rescheduling important appointments down at MUSC.

    I’ve also been dealing with crazy bloody noses again. It seems that I just keep dripping blood and trying not to make a mess. I appreciate that they are giving me full size tissue boxes and tissues instead of the little packages. I will eventually get back to the ENT and figure out how to control this! It seems that trying to stand also makes my nose bleed.

    I will try again maybe today, but definitely tomorrow. I know I can stand and take a few steps. I am also trying to keep track of my weight, which is hard to do, but I’ve managed to step up on the “kitchen scale” each day. I am gaining weight, instead of losing, but considering the experience, I am ok with that.

    I totally miss my electric wheelchair and all the freedom it brings me. I look forward to getting home and using it again. I feel like learned a lot about it and how it can help me out in even bigger ways.

  • I am Finally Getting Somewhere, But Is It Fast Enough and Brings Me More Confidence?

    So, I am slowly making progress in gaining strength , but my confidence is very much laking and I am terrified that I am going to fall. I am able to stand with the help of either PT or OT being right by my side and even then I hesitate to be able to stand or take a few steps. So, I have decided to enter and intensive inpatient rehab program. If I am accepted, I will start on Saturday after my IVIG infusion on Friday.

    I think this might be the best thing for me as, I need to gain some confidence to be able to stand and walk short distances. I am hoping it is for 5-10 days and then I can return to be Fiercely Independent Pam World.

    The jury is still out to see if I will be accepted. my track record isn’t the best in being accepted, but I am working with some incredible people that seem to want to make it happen.

    In the meantime, I am working hard to build my own confidence and hopefully some standing and even a little walking on my own. I’d love to be able to get scale reading, but that is big deal and not the easiest to get when you are barely standing on your own.

    I have a sneaky idea that I am going to be on the cusp of being able to things on my own when it comes time to enter rehab. I guess I’m just going to have to trust my gut about what is the best decision for my progress. I also have to remember that I have important doctor visits, especially down at MUSC. No matter what, I need to be able to stand and move in order to get in a car and use either my walker or Zeen to be able to get around.