Fiercely Independent Pam

Tag: anxiety

  • Anxiously Waiting for Lots of Things!How Not to Go Crazy in the Meantime!

    Currently I am cooking on multiple burners- lots going on and all need my attention. I love being busy and have always found that I do better the busier I am. I am moving in lots of different directions and all are super exciting.

    Now that summertime is here, doctor’s appointments and medical stuff seems to be slowing down, which is always appreciated. I am dealing with some major GI issues and find myself having a hard time keeping food down. The GI doctor believes it may have something to do with my liver and has ordered numerous tests to look into this theory. Other than that, my appointments are finally slowing down.

    I have decided to apply for a job as a math tutor. I am not sure what will come of it and how long I will be able to keep it up, but money is tight and I need to do something. Plus there is an opportunity to get Medicaid faster if I have a job. I really need these benefits, especially the transportation allowances.

    Additionally, I am working up a business plan for Fiercely Independent Pam and have the wonderful guidance of someone who knows what she is doing. All of this is very exciting, even if I am in uncharted waters.

    Finally, Wednesday is my BIG day for my service dog. I will be welcoming a delegation from PAALS here in my community. They will be conducting a home visit/inspection as well as a community visit. The most exciting part is that they will be bringing a dog to help with these tasks. Having a dog visiting my apartment is a huge step forward in this process. I am super excited!

    So, how does my anxiety stay controlled through all of this? On a wing and a prayer! Quite literally!! I recently ordered a new bracelet that reads- “God’s Timing.” This will remind me that it is all in His name and timing, not my own. This also means believing that His timing is perfect and not to question it. My Bible in a Year podcast is helping a lot as well. It keeps me focused and is a great way to start the day each morning. I am working hard to bring the Rosary back into my prayer time as well.

    A small sticker or a service dog wearing a PAALS cape!

  • Yes, I Have Anxieties and I Know How to Stop Them!

    A plant and hand holding a piece of paper that reads, "Never let your fear decide your fate."

    I found this image on social media and realized I do this all the time. My fears or anxieties win all too often. I am so busy processing the “what ifs” that I never process the actual events and facts. Take today’s drama- my wheelchair is out of commission still and requires over $1000 in parts alone. I, fairly quickly had myself out on the street because I was paying for my wheelchair repairs and would not have enough to make rent. I get “revved” up and just can’t stop the what if thoughts and negative consequences.

    It is definitely true that my anxieties have anxieties. Sometimes I dive down a rabbit hole so deep that I lose connection with almost anything that makes sense. I have gotten so much better about this in recent years, through recognizing early symptoms and practicing grounding techniques such as breathing exercises, prayer, meditation, and most importantly- fact checking. It is NOT a fact that I will be on the street tomorrow!

    Anxiety is a strange force. It sometimes comes out of nowhere and throws you far off your goal. For me, it is the truest example of devilish behavior. The only way I have learned to defeat this behavior is to confront it with my faith. I need to believe in myself, those that love me, and most importantly to my God.

    My Catholic faith has taught me that God will overcome any worries and tribulations. My faith tradition has also taught me some very helpful actions. I have learned to “work my rosary beads” to ground myself. I have a special devotion to Mary Undoer of Knots. The very image of our Mother undoing our anxieties and stressors of life provides so much comfort.

    I am a believer that you should seek help from all areas of life when faced with troubles. I utilize medications to help me get out of the rabbit holes I find myself in all too often. I do not see this as a crutch or the easy way out. I see the medication as a tool, just like my rosary or even the dance party I have privately in my apartment.

    I have learned that it is important to name behaviors as a result of anxiety. You do not have to be ashamed of having these behaviors, it is a force working against you and with time, practice, and faith, you can overcome the force.

    When I made a change in my life a few years ago, I adopted the mantra- “Don’t let the hard days win!” This includes tackling the anxiety monster, the over-thinking, and finding ways out of all the rabbit holes. Utilize the tools you practiced with, pray for help, and remember to check the facts.