Fiercely Independent Pam

Category: About Me

  • Where Do You Find God When You Have Chronic Illness?

    I am a “cradle Catholic”, meaning I was raised Catholic and continue to practice my faith. I have always been proud to be Catholic and find the traditions, prayers, and consistency key to deepening my faith. Don’t get me wrong, there has been many, many times that I have lost my way or questioned my faith, but somehow I am always drawn back to the Rock-my God.

    I longed to go to Catholic School as a kid, and that longing grew stronger, but it was never in the cards due to financial strains. So, when looking at colleges, I knew I had to give my best effort to attend a Catholic College. It was a goal I set and achieved, I attending the College of Notre Dame of Maryland, now known as Notre Dame of Maryland University. It is a small, liberal arts university that is unique not only in history, but in its Catholic faith. I found that my desire to teach came directly from God, a calling from Him to reach His children.

    I also found a wonderful group of sisters, mostly School Sisters of Notre Dame (SSND), who inspired me on my journey to become my best self, as a woman, as well as a teacher. I was challenged to take more leadership roles and consider the life of an administrator. God called to me through the SSND’s in a way I was not prepared for. Their caring and thoughtful mentorship and teaching, showed me another way of life. That is that I did not need to be the richest or most powerful, but that I needed only to fulfill the desire of God’s plan for me.

    I became the teacher I wanted to be and aimed to be the administrator that I was called to be, but all this ended in a big way when chronic illness took over my life. At first, my mental health took a downward spiral, forcing me to move to be closer to family. Then, my physical health, including brain surgery, frequent asthma attacks, and a growing list of problems forced me out of education all together. I often questioned why God has chosen this path for me.

    It wasn’t until I mourned the passing of both my parents, that I realized God wasn’t doing anything against me, but for me. I wouldn’t have traded the times I had with my parents last years, months, and hours for anything. These memories will forever live in my heart.

    The same holds true with chronic illness and my relationship with God, hindsight shows me that God was trying to tell/teach me something, but my stubbornness gets in the way sometimes.

    I am not one who likes to give advice, but please know that God is always working through you. You may feel like he is a million miles away, but somehow, someway he is working through you.

  • Home Again and it Feels So Good!

    Success! I’ve been home for almost 48 hours, which these days is a record for me! I am absolutely exhausted but getting back into a routine and good sleep are helping. The true test will be tomorrow when I resume my technology offerings here in my community.

    I find routine the number one thing I can do to stay healthy and on track. I try to get to bed around the same time each night, an early 9ish and get up around 6:30 or so. Sometimes I need to go back to bed in the morning and restart again, but I try to stay out of my bed during the day.

    One of the greatest purchases I have made for the purpose of good sleep habits at home is my light/fan fixture. It’s an enclosed ceiling fan and led light combination. I have several light modes such as night, casual, reading, and work. In the morning I usually set it for work, which is quite bright, during the day if I need it on, I set it for casual. While getting ready for bed, I set it on night, which helps a lot.

    Other things that help set the mood include blue blocking readers (I use during the day as well as getting ready for bed). Trying to stay off my phone(this one is hard) and using audio books or meditations to listen to that help me fall asleep. I’ve been doing better about not waking up in the middle of the night and being so awake that I try to get things done. Usually, I am able to simply go to the bathroom and hop back in bed.

    Being home means that I am able to complete tasks and errands like grocery shopping, prescription pick up, and just grabbing a snack or drink. It’s a sense of independence and freedom that you never feel in the hospital. I long for independence and being restricted means I get more frustrated easier. How do you deal with frustration? What works for you to stay calm and collected the whole time you are hospitalized?

  • My Love Affair with a Hospital: Adventures at MUSC

    Well it’s been a hot minute since I’ve added a new post. I have been busy with health stuff including making a transfer of sorts from a local hospital in Myrtle Beach to MUSC in Charleston. I love MUSC; I love the team centered approach, the willingness to think outside the box, and most importantly that they put patients ahead of profit. I went from needing another brain surgery to “just” needing a tune up of meds. Such a relief.

    So, I said my transfer was unique. I decided that I needed to make a change in care as I was simply spinning wheels at the local hospital. They were making calls and shot and hoping they would work. So, I decided to take a giant leap of faith and discharge from the local hospital and find a way to MUSC.

    Luckily, I have an amazing tribe (See here for a post dedicated to them). My dear friend answered the tribe “bat call” and agreed to bring me on Monday. It was a leap of faith for sure because there was no guarantee that I would be admitted, but I was and here I am! I cannot stress enough the importance of having a tribe- and do not be afraid of adding new people, sometimes they just need to be asked.

    Beyond the excellent care and better food, I love having a team of med students- attendings guiding my care. I hope my case teaches them something too. They all treat with care and understanding instead of the bare minimum just to check off a box. MUSC truly is a special place.

    Now comes my biggest hurdle, transportation. I no longer drive and rely solely on others to get around. Usually for any local trips, I am able to rely on the bus at my community. I also got a text message from a new local company that I recently tried that just purchased a wheelchair accessible van! Of course there is a fee, but I feel like that has opened some doors for me. Never stop looking for solutions.

    Until tomorrow, I am safe, pain is being managed, and transportation will work itself out somehow. It’s much easier to “keep the faith” when you are at a place like MUSC.