Fiercely Independent Pam

Author: Pamela

  • Health Update: A Setback or Reboot? My Latest Adventure

    A setback is just another word for reboot. I could say it is something negative, as it seems like everything is against me at times, but I am choosing to see it as an opportunity to reboot. That is, my cardiac rehab plan was going so well, but something unseen must have been wrong.

    Last Tuesday night, when I was getting ready to go to bed, I stood up from my wheelchair to place an insulin needle in my sharps container. I remember that I didn’t “feel well” aka, my blood pressure was dropping, and next thing I know, I was waking up on the floor. I was fairly confident that nothing super emergent was going on, but I had incredible pain in my hip, neck and back. I knew this meant that I needed to go to the ER and get checked out. So, I called the ambulance to help me get up and bring me to the ER.

    The ER ran scans of my head and neck, as well as X-rays of my pelvis. Nothing was out of the normal range for me, so they sent me home. I knew this fall would be a setback for my progress, but resolved to continue to trust the process. I got home around 1:30am and had a very uncomfortable night.

    The next morning, I planned on having a quiet day to recover. I made up my mind that I wanted to follow up with my orthopedic doctor about my hip. I was excited to get an appointment for the next day. Not a setback, but progress… My appointment was with a PA that works with my hip orthopedic doctor. He was wonderful but had unfortunate news- he was fairly certain that I fractured my hip and need to be completely non-weight bearing until I could get an MRI and figure out next steps. Another setback for sure, as if there is a fracture, I will require surgery!

    So, I am mastering transferring from my wheelchair without putting weight on my left hip/leg. This “setback” has reminded me of how grateful I am for my wonderful power wheelchair that gives me freedom, even in unknown times. I am also in a holding pattern, waiting for an appointment for my MRI, with several implanted medical devices, clearance for a MRI takes some time!

  • Two Different Lives: What a Difference a Shower Can Make!

    Today I did something I haven’t done in years. I took a shower two days in a row. This might seem trivial to most of you, unless you have chronic illness and/or pain, you wouldn’t understand. I am not ashamed to say that usually I can only manage two showers a week, and that is with caregiver help. These showers exhaust me to the point of needing to lie down and sleep immediately after most of the time.

    With the help of my medical team, we secured additional services to help with the showering. Mainly this consisted of an OT to teach me “tricks” that conserve energy while showering. Last week was a “dry run” and we problem solved some issues. I ordered a new shower caddy to limit the amount of twisting and bending to grab bottles, soap, and washcloths. The OT also shifted my handheld closer to my shower chair. I am still researching the best sponge with a handle type of thing to reach my back and legs for rough days. I’m also awaiting a new gadget to help with applying lotion by myself.

    I haven’t talked about it much, but I use a medical wearable called Visible that helps keep me on pace to conserve energy (think spoon theory meets technology). I’ll write a post and maybe a video that goes more in depth about this powerful tool, but for now, know that it is amazing and gives real, usable data to everyday symptoms. Previously, my showers cost me an average of 1.3 points (I only get 14 a day). After these changes by the OT, my shower this morning only cost me 0.8 points and more importantly, I didn’t end up crashing into bed after. Remember also that I showered yesterday as well.

    I sometimes talk about the life I used to have versus the life I have now. Neither is better than the other, it’s about what you make of it and knowing that God, above all else, puts you exactly where you need to be. In my “previous life” I jumped out of bed and showered every day, something I couldn’t do now, but you know what? Those showers in my “old life” often were the perfect environment for daily tears when I was completely overwhelmed by my job, my situation, and life in general. I couldn’t let others see this side of me so I had to hide, the shower provided the perfect place to do this.

    So, I might not be able to shower every morning after bounding out of bed, but I no longer hide and cry in the shower. Like I said before, neither is better than the other, but the wisdom lies in the perspective of having lived through both lives. Every season or life we live teaches us something, the trick is to try to learn the lesson at the time and not through hindsight.

  • Gifts: My Formal Love Language

    Yesterday, I received an unexpected gift from someone. This gesture made me think about gifts in general. I love finding the perfect gift for someone. Sometimes this means I randomly give a friend something for no “real reason” except to see their reaction to what I found. Other times this means that when I am expected to give a gift, say a birthday or holiday, and I can’t find something “good,” I get frustrated. Gifts are definitely my love language. I love giving and receiving them.

    As an educator, my desk, office, or classroom was always filled with special gifts. Sometimes it was a dandelion, other times it was a memento from a family trip. They were and still are special because a child or parent thought of me when they were doing something else. My apartment (and storage unit) is filled with these special gifts. I love seeing them on a regular basis. For the most part, I can tell you who gave me what and what the occasion was. From the little Eiffel Tower from Paris to the set of diamond earrings, they bring a memory to life for me.

    I am blessed with many friends who love to give gifts too. The many treasures throughout my apartment that remind me of deep relationships with college friends turned sisters, roommates, and mentors throughout the years. I am a sucker for a good memento and my dusting challenges reflect that. After I moved into my current community, I was able to unpack these important pieces of my life. The chalkboard piece from SHM School, the random Mickey ears from Disney trips, my collection of crosses from students and families, and of course my favorite M&M collectibles, all have a special place in my living quarters as well as my heart.

    Gifts are a way to share a special moment, they allow us to speak of love without saying a word. My inbox currently reflects a random purchase for a friend. Not for an upcoming birthday or event, but just something that I know speaks of caring for that person- a simple, “I thought of you today.”

    How do you gift? Do you like giving and/or receiving gifts? What is your most treasured gift?